How I deal with anger
It’s a tricky thing, to deal with strong emotions. To fight them and express them in the best way possible. Anger is a strong feeling. And a not very pleasant feeling either.
Last time I was having this feeling was a few weeks ago. It was a cold and rainy day and a friend and I just entered the tram. We had our babies in their strollers and our groceries in heavy bags. We were both exhausted and the tram was full. Every seat close to us was taken. And then I saw that a woman, maybe in her early 20‘s, was blocking a double seat with her handbag. She was listening to music with earphones and looking outside the window. I went over, softly waved my hand in front of her to get her attention. When she put out one earphone I asked her kindly if she could maybe change the seat and let my friend and me sit on the double seat, so she could instead sit on one of the single seats a little further away from our babies. I explained that our babies are asleep and we needed to be close to them. She simply put her earphone back inside, rolled her eyes and turned back to the window. That was the moment. Out of nothing I felt pure anger in every single part of my body.
Every person has different ways to deal with anger. Every person is different, each human indiviual. But with studying mindfulness and doing a lot of inner work by myself, I created a little checklist of steps to do when I feel this anger crawling up. I make use of it, whenever I need to calm myself down and find back to my inner balance.
1) I take a step back. That means taking a deep breath and counting to 4. Then release the breath and counting down, like 4-3-2-1…and inhale 1-2-…
2) I allow myself to feel the emotion. This is based on my belief that emotions are natural and belong to me. It is important to accept emotions.
3) I try to figure out where my anger comes from. Usually it’s not the situation in which the anger bursts out. Its mainly the moments that lead to the situation.
4) Leave the situation. With leaving the situation I give myself the opportunity to deal with the anger but in the same moment, I take control to leave the anger behind.
5) Share my emotions. Sharing is caring, there is a reason behind this sentence. Talking something off the chest is giving me always a feeling of relief and my friends, family or close people can help me to feel peace again.
In this particular moment I followed this checklist too. I focused first on my breathing -in and out. I allowed myself to feel the emotion, I let the anger fill my body with every breath. It cools me off. After breathing I tried to see where the anger came from. It was not only the girl. It was the complete situation of pushing the stroller in the rain, of carrying heavy bags, my baby crying because she was tired and in the end…also me simply being exhausted!
All of these things lead me to the mood I was in. Next, I had to leave the situation. I went to my baby, my sweet, now peacefully sleeping baby. I love this little one so much! And she always helps me to find my inner peace. Seeing her there, made me forget about the anger I felt. The last step was to tell my friend what I felt. I shared my emotions with her and she understood and supported me. I was completely balanced again.
How about your checklist of dealing with anger? What do you do? And how do you picture anger?
I would love getting inspired by more ideas and maybe I was even able to inspire you. Always remember – feelings and emotions are natural. They belong to you. You are allowed to accept them.
🖤
Nadia
